depressed and out

man i just hate this crap why cant i just be one of them normal kids even the geeks have morefun than i do and are allowed to do more than i am. its like wtf?i just dont get and ugh just it makes me hate my life i just wanna have some freedom and have fun. No of course not.. moniques like wasnt fucked up enough with everythign lets suffcate her while were at it.. and like it makes me feel bad becus jeremy like should out be having fun with some girl and im not that girl thats ever gonna be out there having fun with him. and i dont know it just upsets me i want so bad to just have fun be stupid. and like just be a kid. my parents bitch and complain how they never got to be a kid cus they had kids yet it liek im the kid yet im still not having fun and i didnt have any kids.. it just fucking sucks and it just makes me have such a negitive out look on life becus it just like not i do is ever good enough and im being sufficated and thats exactly how i feel. its just fucking stupid i mean i think jeremy works alot on the weekends cus he knows im not gonna be able to do anything so he just takes the hours. and thats not how it should be.. it should be him not wanting to work during the weekend cus hes gonna go have fun with his girlfriend and just have fun.. but no..

i hate everything about my life.

im never going to be good enough for anyone

im not good enough for jeremy obvivously hes still has to talk to other girls and shti and look at them cus im not good enough

anything i do for my parents isnt ever good enough.. even if i try my hardest they still think its not good enough and i could do it better and thats not the case i try just it doesnt work

and im so sick of this shit if i could and wouldnt regret it i would easily just take something go to sleep and never wake up

or just run away.

i could survive. im capible of that i know. when i was younger i never "lived" somewhere we were always just staying i know how to survive when you dont have anything.

and im not afraid of doing it for that. im scared becus if i get caught it would make my life even worse than it all ready is.
its a challenge for me everytday just to live and it shouldnt be like that.
i keep telling myself only 21 months blah blah blah.. but i just dont want to wait.
ugh im just getting mad cus im thinking