my outlets

im just pissed off im not even gonna say why i just am and nobody would understand even if i had someone to tell and talk too...
which I DONT have anyone to talk to about this.
or at least neone who would understand whats going on in this head and what im feeling. i mean if i could tell someone i dont even know where i would start or where i was going with what i was saying. just i keep having these dreams and just its so messed up. why couldnt i just have a somewhat screwed up childhood not the one i had. i mean its not normal the things i think and the memories i have. why does just living have to be hard..it just hard being in my own head then dealing with the stresses and everything else that goes on everyday just in everyday life.
i dont want to live like this anymore.. i dont want these memories or just knowing everything that went on. i mean i wish i was one of them people whoc ould just block out bad thigns that happen. but i cant.life shouldnt be this hard. im serious it shouldnt.i let such little thing bother me that shouldnt.. i let life just go by never knowing how i manage to the next. i mess everything up i mean Darius and I arent even barely friends anymore. and thats my fault..why cant it just be easy anymore. well i guess it was never easy but i know its not getting ne easier to deal with if anything. id say harder. im so confused.. my head hurts.. i can say most likely ill be back tomorrow if im still feeling like this.... becus this is all i have to get owhats going on up there. and the crap i write in my book. thats about it. my outlets.